Imagine this. You're lying in your bed at 2am, it's completely silent. That silence is filled with your crying, the crying that is caused by an issue that won't even matter in a few years time. That's what fucks you up, the little things that won't matter.
When you're a teenager, it's common for adults to assume you have it easy. Let's be honest, in some aspects, we do. However, it's not all fun and games being a teenager, it's all a jumbled mess of feelings and emotions. It's finding yourself and other people, first loves and friendships you imagine to last a life time. It gets even more jumbled when you get so hurt, so young.
Your first heart break.
When you experience heartbreak, your perspective on life changes. It goes from happiness and confidence to anxieties and low self-esteem in a split second. It feels empty, almost like you're here, alive, but you're not. When you get so badly hurt, it becomes almost impossible to let anybody in, because, what if they hurt you too? Overtime, a mixture of anxiety, sadness, low self-esteem and emptiness builds up, you spiral into a place of darkness. The feeling of being worthless and angry is what hits you the most. You're angry because it's almost as if you got yourself into this deep, dark place, now you're stuck, and can't escape. Every night, you lay there sobbing, no matter how hard you try, that feeling of happiness isn't there. You give up on yourself, you give up on other people. Socialising becomes ceased, because the feeling of being unwanted will not leave your thoughts. Getting out of bed and facing the world every day becomes a challenge, but you do it, why? Because if you don't, you show your weak, and people use weaknesses against you. It's almost as if they enjoy having the power over you, they know you're close to breaking point. You pretend you're okay, and you carry on with your normal daily routine, with a smile on your face, it's easier to pretend.
You pretend because, when people notice they tell you "you'll get over it" or "teenagers don't even know what stress is". As a result of this you're too afraid to ask for help, therefore, you continue to spiral into that emptiness, with that same smile on your face.
"A picture is a secret about a secret, the more it tells you, the less you know"- Diana Arbus
Your smile is your picture.
Comments
Post a Comment